Episode Seventeen: New Torexia

On the once-fair planet of Cramordin, in the shadow of the Red Sun, tragedy has struck. The appalling race of Torexians has invaded, colonizing the planet. Many of the natives are now dead. Others have been Infected with the poisonous magic of the Torexians, warping their minds and bodies, twisting them beyond all recognition in new, strangely muscular forms of life. A great war has been fought, but the Torexians emerged victorious, under the command of their terrifying Praetor, ELESH SUNAK.

Of the armies of the Cramorans, only a small resistance remains, led by the noble hero, JOR-STARMER, THE PREVAILER. But he is hopelessly outnumbered, his tiny forces condemned to hide in caves while the Torexians roam the surface, Infecting ever more of the planet, adapting to their new environment. All Jor-Starmer’s hopes rest on one magical Being, a noble planeswalker of great power, who at the beginning of the war was captured, enslaved, and set to work by the Torexians. Yet Jor-Starmer knows there is no other path: he has to gamble now, and find a way to set this Being free, come what may.

The following is a transcript of speeches given by both Elesh Sunak and Jor-Starmer to their troops, spurring them onto yet greater endeavours. For the reader’s convenience, the alien, guttural tongue of the Torexians is here translated into English.

ELESH SUNAK: THE GREAT HOUSING DEVELOPMENT OF NEW TOREXIA IS COMPLETE!

JOR-STARMER: All is not as it seems! For the struggle is FAR from over.

ELESH SUNAK: NEW SOURCES OF FINANCE POWER THE BARRATT ORTHODOXY!

JOR-STARMER: In getting Brexit done, the Torexians have become….divided!

ELESH SUNAK: BENEATH TOREXIAN SKIN, THE HEART OF CRAMORDIN BURNS!

JOR-STARMER: The heart of Cramordin burns!

ELESH SUNAK: THE BODY IS BUFF, BUT WHISPERS OF NEGATIVE INTEREST RATES SPLINTER THE MIND.

JOR-STARMER: Now that Corbyn’s gone, we are one!

ELESH SUNAK: THE FATHER OF THE MAJORITY…

JOR-STARMER: Deano….

BOTH: is coming….

JOR-STARMER: Saviour….

ELESH SUNAK: CONSUMER….

At this moment of heightened drama, another planeswalker arrives on the scene, Ali The Sojourner, an ally of the Cramorans.

Taking pity on Deano, he uses his great magical powers for the final time, teleporting his own heart into Deano’s body. Ali dies, but Deano suddenly bursts free of his chains. The Cramorans have hope again, but it remains to be seen whose side Deano will choose in the last battle.

(For the confused, this may help: )